Everyone's A Critic

Ep 32: Chef John's Weird Balls

More and more, with every episode we record, we find ourselves amazed by the treasures that lie inside AllRecipes helpful and completely functional website. And what greater treasure is there then the chickeny goodness of Not Chicken. In today's episode, Jess introduces her new, cage-free segment, Impostor Syndrome, where we dig deep into all the ways a simple vegetarian recipe can go horribly awry.  

Meanwhile, I take us back to the Amazon Pantry to stock up on a few essentials: cheese dip, and super special tap water.

Because we all drink water. We have to.

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

 

Ep 31: 5 Hot Dogs, Rinsed

Reality TV has invited American viewers into so many wacky lifestyles. Swamp folks, pawn shop folks, storage unit folks, you name it. Why can't we spend some time with the bushy-bearded boys, finding buried treasure with their metal detectors? Some TV exec is really sleepin' on the job here.

That's really the part of the episode you should focus on, and not so much my regrettable Arlo Guthrie impersonation. But hey, sometimes you gotta overcommit to the bit, baby.

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

 

 

 

 

 

Ep 30: Still Horsin' Around

Ya'll, we made it to 30 episodes, and gorsh do we have a real hootananny of an episode for ya. In this one, a zucchini dreams of a better life, a parent spies on their unruly teens, and a friend of the show takes a trip to the desert. 

Did you know the double s in "dessert" stands for "sweet stuff"? It does! You're welcome. 

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

 

Ep 29: The Occasional Traditionalist

Warning, this episode contains graphic discussion of dead recurring segments. It's tragic and sad, especially when we do it to our own barely listened to podcast, but someone has to talk about it. 

But don't worry, Jess keeps the show going with dope reviews for hotels in Arkansas and polite reviews for Taco Bells in Canada.

And at an extremely sensible and listenable  48 minutes, why would you not listen to this one AND tell your friends to listen please too thank you we both work so hard all the time and our bones hurt real bad. 

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

 

 

Ep 28: The Cool Mom's Dr. Seuss

One might assume Dr. Seuss is an untouchable giant of kid's fic legend. But even the Hop-on-Pop Man himself comes under fire from the internet's least-grounded reviewers, who have no respect for boundaries. Except America's boundaries; they definitely tend to be a family-separation kind of crowd.

Anyway, we also find out what knock-off consoles you can buy on Amazon RIGHT NOW, unless your gift-hunting grandparents buy them all first. 

And all at a dash-heavy 51 minutes! That's like two eps of Jeapordy, ya'll!

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

 

Ep 27. Mr. Food Network SouperBowl Smash Off

Well folks, the Patriots might have destroyed their compitetion this year, but no where near as badly as Trisha Yearwood and her friends at the Food Network will destroy your Big Game get-together!

That's right, this week, Jess and I coincidentally (and unsurprisingly) both did Big Game related topics. We've got Beergaritas from Sandra Lee, dry balls from Trisha Yearwood, and sexy brownies from Rea Drummond. 

Is it timely? Hell no. But hey, this year's Big Game was basically a wash anyway.

And at a first-downing 55 minutes, we're way less tedious than actual football!

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

Ep 26: The Grosser Green Grocer

For too long the Kroger Corporation has kept us little folks down with its gas points and its consumer innovations. But now it's our turn, and we're gonna throw the book at them. The coupon book.

I just read that back and damn that's a sad stack of weak-ass sentences. But hey, we'll also hear from Mayor Randy Fenderbender before taking a trip to his beautiful, tunnely town.

And all at a squeaking-right-by 59 minutes!

Music used in this episode includes:

Paw Paw Insert: Doctor Turtle - "You Um, I'll Ah"

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Doctor_Turtle/none_given_1561/Doctor_Turtle_-_You_Um_Ill_Ah1

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - "Bebop Molecule"

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - "Green Lights"

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - "Drag Chain"

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

 

Ep 25: The Carl's Jr. Ranch Tax

In today's episode, no thanks to Jess, we learn a little too much about my checkered past with a certain salad dressing. And before that, she decides to introduce the great sound of confetti sprinkles to our already dying podcast. This is apparently the episode where I do penance for all of my recurring segment sins.

Also in today's episode, I introduce a new recurring segment. 

But hey, that 50min runtime sure ain't no sin, no sir no way. 

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

 

Ep 24: Shoney the Way

This one has some singing. I don't know what else to tell you. I would say I'm sorry, but.

Anyway, in today's episode, we finally talk Shoney's. Everyone's been wondering, when will they finally talk Shoney's. Well, it's here. We also dig into reviews for fish-infused hair products and knock-off Red Lobster biscuits. But that's way less interesting than the number one destination for American families.

And at a nearly successful 1:02! Damn! We beefed it!

 

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain

 

Ep 23: Slow Cooker Pizza

Airports bring out the worst in us. They charge us $10 for a beer, throw us on a conveyor belt, and ask us to take our shoes off in public. Thus, you know we *had* to take another look at the poor saps trying to get their last coffee in Earth before they fly out of Dulles. Because we're nasty. 

Meanwhile, we attempt to talk pizza. But when Jess decides to defend Allrecipes, things get heated.

And all at a barely-made-it 59 minutes, no less!

Music used in this episode includes:

'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigris

Outro: Jahzzar - Green Lights

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jahzzar/Tumbling_Dishes_Like_Old-Mans_Wishes/Green_Lights

And our theme song: Steve Combs - Drag Chain

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Steve_Combs/Speaking_in_Spirals_1809/03_Drag_Chain